How we human.
Does this seem normal to you? For 12 years, I’ve owned a business I founded when I was 27. I am adopted by my dad who I’ve been with since I was 3. When my millennial peers were putting off buying homes, I bought my first, by myself, at the age of 25. I’ve studied abroad in Tokyo, done CPR on someone who passed away during it, had my office robbed (the day before my second son Cal was born), and am a single gal with two of the cutest boys ever who happen to have two different dads.
I don’t really think of those things as things that make me odd, because they are the combination of my life. A life of unique experiences, no different than others. Everyone has their stories, this is just what mine is. Somewhere at some point, somebody (somebodies?) decided the term “single mom” should come with a negative connotation. I encounter people who ask a lot of questions, assume I feel sad, or don’t really know what bucket to put me in.
We’ve spent a lot of time over the last decade demanding that families of all makes become normalized, as we should, but I don’t think we’re there quite yet (at least in Iowa) for single moms and their families. Frequently when I travel with my family people will say is it “just” you and the boys? We are not a “just,” we’re a family, like any other family. We have a mom, two beautiful boys, and our dog Cricket. We’re mostly deliriously happy unless one of us is hangry. We’re a family that has a lot to be grateful for. Our friends are our family too, and there is no lack of love around us. While sometimes I think it would be nice to have another adult around to help keep the house running, that’s more of a nice to have, and I’m pretty sure we all have things on our list that we’d like to have, but can certainly get by without.
Like everyone else, I’m a combination of my experiences. Many things have happened to me; some good, some bad. Many more things I have made happen for myself. And mostly, I’ve worked with friends and family to build a life I love and am proud of. I don’t feel like I need to justify how happy I am with the things in my life I can control but I do get tired of other assuming that I must be upset because my life doesn’t look like what they think its supposed to.
So with that, I have a goal to talk authentically and share our lives with those who want to be part of it. My life comes with co-parenting complications, running business chaos, exhaustion, frustration, happiness, fun, personal growth, laughter, and love. I don’t know if sharing more of my day-to-day life, and all of the ups and downs will help to normalize one-parent families because I believe that no two families are alike which makes the idea of normal a little hard to define. What I do know is that any family that has love and kindness, warmth and happiness, and laughter and tears is normal enough to be celebrated.
Time to tell the story of how we are human, and all the pieces, ups and downs that make up our beautiful life. It’s our own journal, and if its biggest benefit is the time I spend writing and reflecting, it will certainly feel like a win. In our family, we do things because they feel right, not because someone, somewhere thinks we’re supposed to do them. I’m bound and determined to share as much as we need to in order to make everyone whose families look like ours know they are also totally normal in their uniqueness. Thanks for being on our journey with us.
