Owning your pen

All Most of my mornings begin with a Peloton ride. Robin Arzon and Cody Rigsby play a significant role in my life and they will likely never know my name. I’m ok with it however because they don’t only get me to hustle, I leave the bike feeling inspired. Especially when the motivation falls so closely along the lines of my personal beliefs. When Robin yelled “you own your pen, take your life and make it the best story in the world”, it hit hard. Sometimes I need the reminder my life is mine to be in charge of, it’s not something happening to me and passing me by. I’m mindful more each day of how much of my life, no matter the experiences I’ve had, is in my control. How I show up, how I push myself, and the story I write, is all the output of my own doing. I have a minor in Journalism. While writing is a piece of my job, it’s not any more than others necessarily. I am writing E-mails (to the bane of my existence), or notes. Nothing really though which is benefitted from any form of degree in Journalism. I chose this minor because I had big dreams of being the next Katie Couric. I love the art of storytelling, yet spend very little time writing my own story. The last eight + years have felt like a story, and or nightmare at some points, of which I am begrudgingly the lead character. She starred in a story in which the lead character founded a company that grew quickly, had a baby, followed by a contentious divorce, years later her second child was born, a partner who moved out when the baby was 5 months old, and a surviving a global pandemic while running a company and having her 7-year-old homeschooling as well as a newborn at home on her own. I’m exhausted just typing it, let alone living it.

I’m currently reading The Woman They Couldn’t Silence, which has been far too close to home at moments. The triggering has given me both anxiety to relieve moments in my life, and relief to find another story and character with remarkably relatable experiences. After defending her sanity at trial in 1864, Elizabeth Packard campaigned to ensure the rights of the mentally ill as well as those of married women. She publicized the story of her hospitalization at the hands of her husband in order to prevent the abuse and neglect of others vulnerable before the law. As she eventually freed herself, she then worked to create a law that within two years of its passage was amended to require a public hearing before any person could be committed against his or her will. This law was inclusive to married women and was unprecedented for its time. Elizabeth spent years working to convince the public and professionals around her she was not insane. Her experience of being taken without notice, losing access to her children, and in a moment fighting an uphill battle, hit all too close to home. Ultimately she finds a way out by using her writing and words. She refused to let her story be what someone else wanted it to be, she kept ownership of her pen and her life trajectory.

I’m here, determined to own my pen. Sometimes I’ll still have moments where I’ll believe what was said about me. Those moments are small blips now because I’ve spent years leaning into writing my own story. Gripping always tightly to the pen. It’s taken me years to recognize who the author of my life is. I started writing this blog for several reasons. Some to share daily passions, and another priority is to write my own story. Writing is a release for me and a visual piece of what’s on my mind. I’m just getting started, but I am committed to being the only one in my life holding the pen and telling my story.